Question 1

How do I pick a therapist?

Accepted Answer

You want to find someone you are comfortable with, and has experience treating the issue you want to improve.  Schedule a consultation to get a feel for how they approach you, ask questions about how they’ve treated this issue in the past.  Consultations can be easy to schedule, and most therapists don’t mind doing this because they know it helps you decide what works for you.

Question 2

What is LMFT?

Accepted Answer

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  A fully licensed provider is someone who has completed 3000 hours post graduation, and passed their state exam.  This person has either graduated from an MFT (marriage and family therapy) master’s program, or was licensed from another board (LCSW, LPC) and also passed the LMFT state exam.

MFT graduate programs have a heavy emphasis on learning family and couple dynamics early in student training.  LMFTs from these programs are trained from the beginning to address family and couple challenges.

Question 3

Is couples therapy only for serious problems?

Accepted Answer

Couples therapy can be helpful at all stages of your relationship!  There are couples who come in that have serious topics to work through.  There are also partners who come in feeling stuck in repeated cycles and need some direction to improve things.  Taking the initial step to explore what can be done is so important, there might be more hope than you think.

If things feel relatively smooth, but you want a few tips to stay on track couples therapy is a great resource.  You may only need a few sessions.  A proactive approach helps smooth out potential bumps later.

A skilled therapist is ready to meet you where you’re at.

Question 4

What if my partner doesn’t want to come to therapy?

Accepted Answer

Couples therapy is completely voluntary, so if at any point one partner voices they do not want to participate, couples therapy will not be recommended.  However, it can still be beneficial for you to come in on your own, even if your partner is feeling differently about it.  There are skills to be learned that may give some positive momentum to the relationship, and help your individual development.

Question 5

How long does couples therapy take?

Accepted Answer

It really does depend on what you’re working on, and symptoms experienced.  When you start couples therapy you’re not only addressing the interaction patterns between partners, but also the internal reactions and presenting symptoms associated with these patterns.  The work you do on yourself is just as important as the work you do with your partner, and you see faster results when you address both.  If something traumatic has happened, the therapy may take longer.

Premarital services are about 3 sessions.

Question 6

Can couples therapy help after an affair?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Yes. Yes.  This is an area I have a lot of experience in.  I have seen couples work through an affair, and later thrive.  There are many factors that influence this outcome, and not every couple who comes in to address an affair will decide to move forward.  I can provide a specific structure, and direction, to help you through this very painful time.

Question 7

What if we have different goals for therapy?

Accepted Answer

If the goal is to stay together, but you have different ways in how you see that happening, we spend time exploring these options and what that means.  Couples may also come in with ideas about how their partner should change, and naturally you might oppose each other in what you think the real issue is.  Therapy will help you refine this and find some common ground.

If you are contemplating divorce or breaking up, disclose that from the beginning.  Questions can be tailored to help you decide what to do next.  Discernment counseling is also an option here.

Question 8

How do we know when we’re done with couples therapy?

Accepted Answer

I communicate regularly with the couples I work with about our goals, what our plans are for the next session, and I provide supplemental written material to support our work together.  Throughout our sessions we are regularly checking on progress and making adjustments.  When you feel you’ve reached your goals to your satisfaction we talk about discharge.  Even after you’ve completed therapy you’re welcome to reach out anytime in the future as needed.